Saturday, December 29, 2007


Well. It's done. And it's completely meaningless. Bring on the playoffs. It is the SuperBowl or nothing. Bring it on.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

We Go A-Jersey

As my daughter would say...

Yes, we are off tomorrow to the land of Jersey to see my parents. Hackettstown, to be exact, for those of you who are saying, "Oh yeah? Where in Jersey?"

My daughter is very excited to go see her grandparents. It's all she's been talking about now that she finally got her purple bike, purple helmet, Tigger & Poo book and the three thousand other things Santa brought that are now cluttering our already cluttered in-laws-provided living area. Being unemployed makes it pretty easy to plan "vacations," or as this really is, a long weekend. Leave tomorrow afternoon, come home Monday night. It'll be nice to get out of Pittsburgh, that's for sure.

So I hope you all had a nice Christmas. Ours was, in my opinion, thoroughly exhausting. Eve dinner for, I don't know, 12 people or something. Lots of food, lots of wine, lots of beer. After dinner, my brother-in-law and I had a semi-intoxicated Wii bowling and tennis tournament. Then we tried to play RockStar Games Table Tennis, which was a disaster, as it's hard to concentrate whilst chugging Guinness straight from the can and trash talking. But it is fun...
Christmas day, the kids went nuts with the presents, there was more people, more food, but alas, no more beer, as we'd finished it the night before. Got a sweet Ellsbury t-shirt from my folks, a buncha Dunkies coffee and that was about it. Money from the relatives, which is very appreciated right now, too. My parents got the kids each a cool Sox outfit- sweatsuit for the boy, cheerleader dress for the girl. That now makes two cheerleader outfits for the daughter of a mother that HATES cheerleaders and all that they stand for. I say, HA.

So, this Saturday night, there's a good chance The Wife and I will be heading into NYC. She has some friends there she wants to meet up with, and I'm entertaining the idea of watching the Pats game at Professor Thom's. So, if any of you Thom's regulars are out there, drop me a line and lemme know if you wanna meet up for a beer and some football. First round's on you...

Friday, December 21, 2007

This is Pittsburgh, Not Boston!

On Wednesday night, I got to watch the Celtics lose a very exciting, and very disappointing, game to the Pistons. Last night, I got to watch the Bruins lose a very exciting, and very disappointing, game to the Penguins. Tonight, I get to watch the Celtics face the Bulls. And on Sunday, I get to watch the Bruins at the Penguins on TV, and then the Pats-Fins game is on at four and we actually get it here. If you're counting, that's five Boston sporting events in five days. So strange...but a good strange.

But wait, Matty! How are you getting to watch all these games? Don't you work in a restaurant? Don't you work at night? Don't you have a job? What, are you an unemployed bum now?

Well, actually, yes.

I was "let go" last Monday, for reasons that still aren't very clear to me.

"We prefer the term 'let go.' We think it sounds better."
"Not to the person being let go it doesn't..."

What was that from? It's escaping me at the moment...
(edit: It just came to me as I was rereading this; it's from the Topher Grace/Dennis Quaid movie "In Good Company." Good flick...)

Anyway, I've had a lot of time to follow Boston sports this week. Not by choice, really, but I won't deny it's been kind of fun.

Things that aren't fun: probably canceling my DC trip due to money; not getting Pogues tickets for DC or Baltimore in March due to money; feeling bad putting gas in my car due to money; feeling like a big loser due to no job and money. Etc.

But, I have two interviews this afternoon, so hopefully by 5pm, I won't be such an unemployed loser. We'll see. Loser, perhaps. But a loser with a job...

As for the aforementioned Boston sports teams, I offer the following humble one-line analysis of each team:

Celtics: Get Rajon some help at the point and let House shoot more...
Bruins: 'Punch Crosby in his pimply little face!"
Pats: Blow out the Dolphins so Kim leaves funny comments about really old Dolphins.

As for the rest of the weekend, I think we're taking the kids to see Santa at the mall tomorrow. You know, because it shouldn't be crowded the Saturday before Christmas...somehow we've been remiss in getting this done already, as somebody "didn't realize that taking the kids for pictures with Santa was a tradition." How in the hell did I get married and end up the sentimental one? What were the chances of that happening before it actually happened? A quintajillion-to-one? Anyway, we'll brave the public commerce place tomorrow so that traditions remain just that. Should make for some good people watching at least. Imagine what last-minute, frantic Pittsburghers must look like! Imagine how harried and beaten down the seasonal retail help will look! I'd laugh louder, but least they have a job.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

If Anthony Smith Says It, It Must be True

Well, this might be just what the Patriots needed. I'm not sure that was the best course of action for Mr. Anthony Smith to take...

Hey, speaking of Anthony Smith...has anybody even ever heard of this guy? I follow football pretty avidly, I live in Pittsburgh, I read the papers and I've never, ever heard of this guy. Which begs the question: Who the fuck is Anthony Smith?

Hold on a moment while I go find out...

Oh, jeez. My bad. At first I thought this guy must really be somebody. You know, to guarantee a victory over an unbeaten team. Like he has some idea what he's talking about. That maybe he'd actually played against us before and knew something the rest of us didn't know. I had no idea he was a goddamn undrafted, second-year backup who's only playing because somebody I have heard of is hurt. What does this guy know about winning? His teams were 17-30 when he was at Syracuse. This is the guy guaranteeing that the Steelers beat the Patriots? Seriously? Is that even bulletin board material when a guy who was in high school when we beat the Rams in the Super Bowl runs his mouth? Well here's a guarantee: by the end of the week Coach Bill will have the Pats' receivers believing this guy is the second coming of Ronnie Lott and that their entire existence and manhood is on the line in this epic battle of tested, veteran, pass-catching talent versus I'm sorry, what was your name again?


Good news for you though, Mr. Anthony Smith: you'll be a household name after Sunday afternoon. As in, "Randy Moss/Wes Welker/Jabar Gafney/Donte Stallworth/Ben Watson/(insert anybody here, really) gets behind Anthony Smith again! And it's another big gain for the Pats!"

P.s. If you play for the Steelers and you are not Anthony Smith, please don't beat him up. I really want him to play on Sunday...

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Knew This Was Coming...

Is this any surprise? I love the part from Derrick Mason. He has such a leg to stand on with this, since, you know, he tackled about four guys near the goal line to set up his buddy for that hail mary catch and didn't get called for offensive pass interference. Let me be clear on this: the refs were terrible last night. I thought they missed about three defensive holdings on the Ravens, one Balty facemask, and a couple illegal contact calls in the first three quarters. I don't want to sound too much like the Colts, but our receivers were getting mugged down field all night. Then, the laundry started flying. At the most critical point of the game. So, sorry, Baltimore, but as #12 said, "It evens out."

None of that excuses Bart Scott's ridiculous, and hilarious, double personal foul, whipping the first flag into the stands and basically costing his team, probably, at least 25-30 yards in field position on that last drive. Our kick coverage was terrible last night; I'll bet Billick would have liked to see Figurs get a chance to return one more to set up that last Ravens drive. When teams self-destruct with penalties and dumb timeouts, why can't they just accept the fact that the lights got too bright and the moment got too big? Why isn't anyone pointing the finger at Kyle Boller for chucking a horrendous INT? Why isn't anyone calling out Ed Reed for sloppily carrying the ball on his INT runback, leading to Kevin "Stabbed by" Faulk's (thanks, Jere) awesome, Troy Brown-esque tackle/forced fumble? Why isn't anyone laying the blame on the Ravens DBs for getting greedy and laying all over the Pats receivers, just assuming the calls weren't gonna come? Why can't the Ravens accept the fact that they gave us a hell of a shot, a damn near knockout punch, and we got up? Again...God, quit crying already.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Fuck. Me.

I was just gonna respond to Jere's last 15 comments in the comments section of the last post, but here I am. Barely. That game just took about six years off my life. Again, we probably deserve to lose, for the second week in a row, but win. I don't even know what to think. Our defense for three quarters looked abso-fucking-positively-hein-ass-ous, but came up huge in the fourth quarter. The weird penalties (though they finally got one right on the 4th and 5 defensive holding- I'd been screaming for that penalty all night. The Ravens got away with so much holding all night. And how in the hell does Derrick Mason not get called for pass interference on that hail mary? He took out four guys!), the dropped INTs all over the field, all the late penalties on us (including the false start that was the best thing to happen to us on that last drive.) That was like a playoff game in bizarro-world. Crazy intense, the crowd looked jacked up all night, a kick-off from the opponent's 35 yard line, I mean, Jesus, what didn't that game have?

So five Yuengling's later, I'm gonna go eat some ice cream. There's snow on the ground, it's December, and I'm gonna go house some B&J Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. Makes as much sense as anything else I've seen tonight...

P.s. I'm glad Don Shula was there to see that. I just hope he figures out how to walk with Tony Kornheiser's head jammed up his asshole...